When I ponder confidence, I see a continuum with ‘lack of ‘at one end and ‘too much of’ at the other.
Upon this line our perception places and then directs us. As if on a tightrope, we pull back or forge on in answer to how confident we feel we should be in a given situation. If you are teetering up and down the confidence tightrope, you will know how stressful this can be; reigning in or trying to force out that often troublesome characteristic. If you don’t get the balance just right, you’ll be criticised for having too much, or overlooked for having too little!
I’d say criticism is preferable to being overlooked, and most concerns around confidence are in the ‘lack of’ department - tip-toeing at one end of the scale, wanting to move forward but doubting our own ability or self-worth. So here are my five tips to help you work your way up to a comfortable spot on the confidence continuum….
Upon this line our perception places and then directs us. As if on a tightrope, we pull back or forge on in answer to how confident we feel we should be in a given situation. If you are teetering up and down the confidence tightrope, you will know how stressful this can be; reigning in or trying to force out that often troublesome characteristic. If you don’t get the balance just right, you’ll be criticised for having too much, or overlooked for having too little!
I’d say criticism is preferable to being overlooked, and most concerns around confidence are in the ‘lack of’ department - tip-toeing at one end of the scale, wanting to move forward but doubting our own ability or self-worth. So here are my five tips to help you work your way up to a comfortable spot on the confidence continuum….
Tip 1
Remember that where you sit on the confidence continuum is a matter of perception – yours or (less importantly) another’s.
You are the one person in complete control of your perception. So, in relation to your confidence levels, rather than dwell on what you feel less comfortable about, spend some time pondering situations where you are, or have been, confident. It doesn't have to seem relevant at all - just reach for a confident feeling and remind yourself that you do have the ability to be confident. Now start trying to transfer some of those positive feelings (even if it’s just ‘I’d like to feel like that in this scenario.' Keep going, keep building positive feelings). Do everything you can to encourage your mind to see things differently; write down how you’d be acting if you were the most confident person in the world. Read it over and over until those words start to permeate your sub-conscious. Create a 'confidence' vision/pinterest board. This trick is all about saturating your mind with confident images because perceptions can be changed.
Focus on what you want, not what you perceive the current situation to be.
Remember that where you sit on the confidence continuum is a matter of perception – yours or (less importantly) another’s.
You are the one person in complete control of your perception. So, in relation to your confidence levels, rather than dwell on what you feel less comfortable about, spend some time pondering situations where you are, or have been, confident. It doesn't have to seem relevant at all - just reach for a confident feeling and remind yourself that you do have the ability to be confident. Now start trying to transfer some of those positive feelings (even if it’s just ‘I’d like to feel like that in this scenario.' Keep going, keep building positive feelings). Do everything you can to encourage your mind to see things differently; write down how you’d be acting if you were the most confident person in the world. Read it over and over until those words start to permeate your sub-conscious. Create a 'confidence' vision/pinterest board. This trick is all about saturating your mind with confident images because perceptions can be changed.
Focus on what you want, not what you perceive the current situation to be.
Tip 2
Cut down on stimulants in the diet.
Substances like caffeine, alcohol, chocolate, sugar, tobacco and refined carbohydrates influence blood sugar mechanisms and hormone balances. They are frequently craved during times of stress.
Blood sugar fluctuations will affect emotions - wavering levels have been associated with mood swings, depression, memory loss and impaired cognitive function. Finding extra confidence when your emotions are wavering already is difficult. If you work on balancing blood sugar and get yourself on an emotional ‘even keel’, you will feel more confident and be more resilient to situations that test your confidence.
Cut down on stimulants in the diet.
Substances like caffeine, alcohol, chocolate, sugar, tobacco and refined carbohydrates influence blood sugar mechanisms and hormone balances. They are frequently craved during times of stress.
Blood sugar fluctuations will affect emotions - wavering levels have been associated with mood swings, depression, memory loss and impaired cognitive function. Finding extra confidence when your emotions are wavering already is difficult. If you work on balancing blood sugar and get yourself on an emotional ‘even keel’, you will feel more confident and be more resilient to situations that test your confidence.
Tip 3
Use the Bach Remedies
Dr Bach made the Larch remedy for lack of confidence. It is useful for situations when you’d rather hang back and let another take an opportunity than put yourself forward. Of course, if you don’t want the opportunity that’s different, but if you feel your lack of confidence is what’s keeping it from you then this is a remedy worth trying.
Another Bach remedy that could be relevant is Cerato – this is a remedy for lack of confidence in your own decisions (the person who will canvass opinion from everyone else, search the web and seek out references before coming to a conclusion).
To make the best use of the remedies you need to think about why you are not feeling confident – are you afraid of failure perhaps in which case Mimulus is relevant, or Crab Apple could help if there is something about your personal appearance you’re not comfortable with.
A Bach Rescue combination is always useful to have in your bag or pocket for immediate help with an attack of the nerves (or to calm down afterwards).
Use the Bach Remedies
Dr Bach made the Larch remedy for lack of confidence. It is useful for situations when you’d rather hang back and let another take an opportunity than put yourself forward. Of course, if you don’t want the opportunity that’s different, but if you feel your lack of confidence is what’s keeping it from you then this is a remedy worth trying.
Another Bach remedy that could be relevant is Cerato – this is a remedy for lack of confidence in your own decisions (the person who will canvass opinion from everyone else, search the web and seek out references before coming to a conclusion).
To make the best use of the remedies you need to think about why you are not feeling confident – are you afraid of failure perhaps in which case Mimulus is relevant, or Crab Apple could help if there is something about your personal appearance you’re not comfortable with.
A Bach Rescue combination is always useful to have in your bag or pocket for immediate help with an attack of the nerves (or to calm down afterwards).
Tip 4
Bring some mindfulness to your reactions around confidence.
This takes some practice but will repay your persistence a thousand-fold! Try to be aware of the tiny gap between a situation and your reaction to it. In that moment you can respond differently. If you can recognise you feel unconfident and want to run for the hills, you have also recognised an opportunity to change that response. Saying ‘I don’t feel ready to do x but I could perhaps do y', or taking some time for consideration is a better response than 'no' or 'I couldn't possibly' and is a really confident way to handle a lack of confidence!!
Don’t forget that the perimeter of your comfort zone is where the growth happens, so feel where the edge is and go a step at a time beyond it.
Bring some mindfulness to your reactions around confidence.
This takes some practice but will repay your persistence a thousand-fold! Try to be aware of the tiny gap between a situation and your reaction to it. In that moment you can respond differently. If you can recognise you feel unconfident and want to run for the hills, you have also recognised an opportunity to change that response. Saying ‘I don’t feel ready to do x but I could perhaps do y', or taking some time for consideration is a better response than 'no' or 'I couldn't possibly' and is a really confident way to handle a lack of confidence!!
Don’t forget that the perimeter of your comfort zone is where the growth happens, so feel where the edge is and go a step at a time beyond it.
Tip 5
Confidence grows but you have to nurture it.
Although confidence is an aspect of mind and feelings, physical activity that releases feel-good neurotransmitters will uplift your mood, strengthen your body and improve your general sense of wellbeing. Perhaps complement exercise with meditation to bring peace of mind. Combine both with mindfulness to catch those self-effacing thoughts in their tracks; consciously replace them with a more positive thought and your confidence will rise in leaps and bounds…
Confidence grows but you have to nurture it.
Although confidence is an aspect of mind and feelings, physical activity that releases feel-good neurotransmitters will uplift your mood, strengthen your body and improve your general sense of wellbeing. Perhaps complement exercise with meditation to bring peace of mind. Combine both with mindfulness to catch those self-effacing thoughts in their tracks; consciously replace them with a more positive thought and your confidence will rise in leaps and bounds…